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Rachel1I think I’m seeing a pattern to my blog posts.  One post about writing. Next post personal.  I’m up to a personal week.  This one hurts – but since I can’t stop thinking about it, I think it’s best that I put it out there.

This past weekend my family and I attended the wedding of a good friend.  They had a wonderful ceremony and reception at the Winnikinni Castle in Haverhill, MA.  Renaissance theme, costumes encouraged.  There are always lots of pictures taken at events like this and with the addition of cell phone cameras, I think that if all the pictures were put together you could make a flip book of the occasion.

Also thanks to the wonders of digital cameras you can see pictures immediately.

Now, let me say for the record that I have never liked how I look in pictures.  Since I was about eight I can remember getting my first criticism on my photograph and the older I got the worse it got.  For years I’ve said I have a vampire complex – I don’t appear in pictures.  The only thing that persuades me usually is having my sons in the picture with me.  At least then I feel like there will be something I want to see.

Well this time was no different except for the first time I really saw what I looked like.  From the neck up – I was pleased.  As for everything else….

OMG – Is that what my body looks like?  I know what the scale says. I know what my dress size says.  But is that what it LOOKS like?   I was shocked by how heavy I truly appear.

I have been on and off Weight Watchers for years and haven’t gained much in the last several years, but haven’t lost either.  I get close to that 10lb mark and then I get… let’s say distracted.

But now I have a visual that I just can’t shake.  And I don’t like it at all.  It’s like a huge image that says – you are going to be in for a world of medical hurt if I get… let’s say distracted.

But now I have a visual that I just can’t shake.  And I don’t like it at all.  It’s like a huge image that says – you are going to be in for a world of medical hurt if you don’t make some lasting changes.  I can’t kid myself that I am a bit overweight.  It is clearly more than that.

I’m not great at consistency or sticking with something when it’s either a) hard to see results somewhat quickly (write 1,000 words a day and by the end of two weeks you have some serious results!) or b) when the goal seems really far away (I am not going to mention how much Weight Watchers thinks I need to lose to be at my goal weight).  However, having a visual may make it easier to be consistent and stay motivated.

Anyone out there on this journey with me?  At the beginning?  Middle?  Maintaining a loss after years of trying?  I’d love to hear from you. I wish us all luck.

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