sssEllaWhich would you rather…? 

A. Work at a job that pays well and affords you a lifestyle that allows for lots of travel and useless items, but where you feel unfulfilled, unhappy, and burned out, or…

B. A job where you make less than half in salary as previous said job, but where you are your happiest and most content?

I find myself in this dilemma. I’ve been ‘only’ writing now for over year and ever since the inception of the new Kindle Unlimited, my sales have plummeted. I am no longer able to ‘make a living’ at this, however, I love where I am at in my life. I’ve never felt less stressed, other than finances, but thankfully my Hubs makes enough for us to live on. We’re by no means wealthy, but we are happy.

Still, I feel it’s necessary to seek out a job so that we can live more comfortably and without worry of debt. I know it’s inevitable at this point, yet I’m putting it off as long as possible. I love my family with every ounce of my soul. I love writing with all my being. And to go back into the work force means that both will suffer, as well as my mental well-being.

I wish everyone had this luxury and it’s not without irony that I know how lucky I am. Over the last several months I’ve seen many of my fellow writer friends dealing with the same issue. One by one, I’ve seen them slowly re-entering jobs and putting their writing aside. I’ve read their struggles of being unhappy and not having enough time to write, let alone be with their families. It’s a place I don’t want to find myself. I find it difficult not to feel bitter toward one particular large entity that has brought about this change and taken money out of the very people’s pockets who have brought them success, yet that bitterness grows everyday.

All I can do is keep writing. Regardless of everything else. In spite of everything else. Dory’s voice from Finding Nemo plays over in my mind… Just keep swimming… just keep swimming… And so I will. Even if it is against the current. And even when I am forced to go back to work, I will still write. Because those words are in my blood, sweat and tears, and eventually, it must come out.

Much love to you those working to keep food on their tables. Much appreciation for those who keep buying my books. I love you and you make this struggle worthwhile.