sssElla

Love is an easy thing to write about, although not always and not in the most flattering or flowery ways, IMO. But, for me, putting ‘love’ down on paper has always come easily. Loss, on the other hand, is one of those things that I have a hard time expressing. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t experienced it enough. I can count on less than one hand how many loved ones I’ve lost in my lifetime. I’m blessed in that aspect. Or, am I? Has the inevitable (and it IS inevitable) only prolonged the pain that I’m destined to go through? Maybe a little of both. Probably a lot of both.

I’ve written about loss (Tennessee Moonshine and my Art of D/s Trilogy) and, for the most part, I went on what I can only imagine it must feel like to lose someone whose life has impacted you deeply. To the authors who have experienced and written that kind of loss, kudos. I now know how difficult it is to move past the sadness and put down for everyone to see what you’re feeling.

I now know because I just lost my grandmother.

She was, in many ways, like a mother to me. My own mother, having had me at a very young age, was often times too immature to take on the responsibility of raising me. She tried. I know she did. Single and young, no education and no hope for one, she did her best. Until she couldn’t. And then she left me with my grandmother. For many many years. She would call. She would visit. I would spend my summers with her. But my life, my stability, was with my grandmother. I’m thankful for it and for the love she gave me, even when she still had three children of her own to take care of.

I guess the point of this post is that despite the pain and my wanting to hide under the covers, my longing to write still remains. And that’s a good thing – a really good thing, because if not for my ability to get these thoughts out of my head, I might go crazy. Well, crazier. 

In honor of my Granny, I offer up a free download of my most recent publication, Ulterior Designs. And despite my very religious Granny’s objections to the types of books I wrote, she was still proud and supportive of me, and I know she would approve of my generosity.

No expiration date. Feel free to share. The only thing I ask in return is that you take a moment to tell the ones that you love how much they mean to you.

Ulterior Designs FREE download

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